Michael Liimatta

The Power of Making Amends  

A rescue mission counselor asked me to talk with a man who had returned to their recovery program for the third time.    Despite completing their program twice, he was unable to remain sober for more than a few months.    Not too far into our discussion, I recognized he had not been able to develop the healthy sort of relationships essential for continued growth in recovery.    Fearful of becoming too involved with others, he could not experience the joy of meaningful, fulfilling relationships. I asked him, “Have you ever done the 8 & 9 Steps?”      His answer of “No” made perfect sense.    Like many newly recovering people, he still carried a load of guilt and remorse from unresolved past relationships.    Thus, he could not move forward with confidence to make new intimate relationships. He needed to clean up the residue of his past first.

Homeless addicts are the loneliest people in the world.    Their destructive behavior alienates those who care about them.    They come to rescue mission recovery programs with long trails of broken relationships.    When they find sobriety, their minds clear up and their thoughts naturally turn toward their loved ones.    They tend to be filled with all sorts of guilt, shame and remorse over the loss of these significant relationships.  So, mission programs can offer real healing by helping these people become restored to family members and others they have hurt.

Some very practical guidance to do this is found in the Twelve Step approach to recovery:

Step Eight  – Made a list of all persons we had harmed and become willing to make amends to them all.

Step Nine  – Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

These important “therapeutic exercises” are also an essential dimension of Christian discipleship.    The 12 Steps, in essence, bring recovering people through a process of progressive humbling.    Each successive step is a deeper opportunity to forgo ego for the sake of doing what is right.    This starts by humbling themselves by admitting they have an addiction that they cannot overcome by themselves.    Then, they are called to humble themselves before God and to turn their lives and wills over to Him.    Steps 4 & 5 involve a further humbling experience; sharing the “exact nature of our wrongs” with another trusted human being. (See James 5:16). And finally, Steps 8 & 9 involve an even more difficult proposition, going to those who have been harmed and sincerely attempting to restore those relationships by making amends.

What are amends?    According to the  Serenity New Testament  they are:

• Sincere efforts to offer apology for past harm.
•   Wonderful bridge-builders for more positive future relationships.
• Effective agents for removing the tremendous weight of guilt, shame, and remorse. *
  

Along with a verbal apology and recognition of the hurt and wrong afflicted, some sort of restitution may be necessary.    This could involve a repayment of money or some other gesture intended to restore losses from individuals that were harmed.

The process of making amends actually starts early in the 12 Step process.    A written inventory of one’s most troubling sins and character defects is developed in the Fourth Step.    This sets the stage for Steps 8 and 9 because most items listed involve harm done to others.    Step 5 is also essential.    It helps addicts to more fully understand what is means to really repent of one’s sins.    Sharing the personal inventory with another person also helps them to experience more deeply God’s forgiveness.    This is absolutely essential if they are to move toward repairing the damage they have done to their relationships with others.

Read the Power of Making Amends (Part 2)

^* This excerpt is from fhe  Serenity New Testament  (Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, TN, 1982).

I grew up in an alcoholic family. Both my father and my mother came from alcoholic homes, too. Because I grew up in such a very chaotic home, I was running the streets from an early age.

My first drinking experience was when I was just twelve years old. I was “turned on” to pot at age fourteen, and went to jail twice for selling marijuana, hashish, and LSD before I was eighteen years old.

In 1974, my life began to unravel. God used “the law” to get my attention. It looked like I would be “busted” for selling drugs for the third time. The fear of a long prison sentence finally brought me to the end of myself. I became so desperate that I started listening to those “Jesus freak” friends of mine. Does anybody remember Jesus freaks? They were former hippies who came to know Christ. As far as I was concerned, they were really kind of spooky people who floated around and were all smiley and they weren’t doing any dope. Although I could not figure out what they had in their lives, I just knew I needed it, too.

In 1974, I visited a friend I had known in the drug scene who had become saved. He was living in a Christian commune in Chicago called Jesus People USA. While there, he explained how I could know Christ, myself. I had a tremendous spiritual experience when I prayed with him to surrender my life to the Lord. Yet, once I returned to my home, I struggled for a year and a half to quit using drugs.

Much of the problem had to do with the fact that I still lived with my family. Still, God was not done with me. I struggled throughout my first year of college to stay sober with a few periods of success. Then, while working for the summer at a state park, I backslid entirely and spent a month or so in a chemical “haze”. The weekend before my second year of college, I was “partying” with some friends from the park. After a day of drinking and pot smoking, we went to a tavern to hear a popular rock band.

It was there that I had a true “prodigal son” experience. Sovereignly, the Lord spoke to my heart. I “came to my senses” as I looked around this crowded tavern and realized I was holding on to the very lifestyle from which Christ had died to free me. I rushed out of the place in tears. At that very moment, God lifted from me the compulsion to drink and use drugs.

Finally, as I began my second year of college I made some vital friendships with some sincere and committed Christians. With God’s help and theirs, I began to live for the Lord. I went on to study for the ministry, got involved with working for God, and even started a licensed alcohol and drug treatment center before I really got into recovery myself.

Looking back on all this, I can honestly say that my spiritual journey of recovery had two very distinct phases. The first phase was the initial surrender of my life to Christ. Tentative though it was, this was really the beginning of my journey into recovery. This eventually led to getting chemicals finally out of my life. So, I began to grow in the Lord and walk with Him. But, stopping drinking and living sober are two very different things. Quitting the active use of alcohol and drugs was easy compared to the past twenty years of trying to live a sober and satisfying life. For this second part, I am thankful for the counseling I have received over the years and for the opportunity to be involved with support groups.

When I was married, in 1984, the second phase of my journey began. Through my attempts to live in a committed and growing relationship, I discovered many unresolved issues in my life and in inner “woundedness” that were the consequences of growing up in an alcoholic family.

My problem was simply that I lacked the inner resources to deal with my own feelings in a healthy way. But it was about that time that we had some friends who knew us quite well and said, “Hey, we think you really need to look at your life.” I came to understand that, as an adult child of an alcoholic, I had many issues from my family background that I would have to overcome. So, I became involved with family therapy and counseling. I thank God for giving me the grace to “stuff” my pride and get the help that I needed.

For over ten years I served as the founding director of a residential treatment program committed to services that were both therapeutically and Biblically sound. One of the interesting ironies of all this is the fact the building out of which this residential treatment program operated housed a tavern for almost eighty years. As a matter of fact, it was the very same tavern where I had my “prodigal son” experience in 1975!

Since 1990, I have worked as an educator and do a lot in the field of addiction and recovery. For 17 years, I worked with an association of Christian organizations that help the homeless who are addicts and alcoholics. From  2008 to 2015,   I worked with City Vision University, an accredited online college with a degree program for addiction counselors.   In 2015 I became the CEO of Connecting for Good. (now part of the PCs for People network). That led to a year in Washington DC managing a digital inclusion project for HUD called “ConnectHome” during the Obama Administration.

I continue to be grateful for all of the opportunities I have had to touch the lives of hurting people. Most of all, I am grateful that God reached out to me, personally, to bring me out of the downward spiral of addiction. That is still the main reason I do what I do. To God be the glory!

Hear the “Unshackled” broadcast of Michael’s Testimony

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