Michael Liimatta

In addition to introducing men and women to Christ, helping addicts to maintain sobriety is the primary responsibility of a residential recovery program. Learning to read, completing high school, and gaining other life skills are important. But, if residents cannot remain sober, we have only succeeded in creating smarter Biblically literate drunks. The act of using drugs or alcohol is an end result of a process that began long before. Addicts relapse when it is more painful to stay sober than it is to get “high.”

The immediate benefits of ceasing drug and alcohol use include: improved health, better sleep, return of appetite, and clearer thinking. However, all addicts eventually face a challenge even more difficult than stopping drink ­ing or using drugs coping with life without them! Doing so involves a whole lot more than just “put ­ting the cork in the bottle.” They must learn a com ­pletely new way of life. We often refer to this process as “recovery” – the Bible calls it “sanctifica ­tion” a definite ongoing program of personal growth

Major Causes of Relapse

A. Denial – inability to accept that one is indeed addicted to alcohol and/or drugs and that it is a primary cause of life problems.

B. Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome – inability tocope with a set of very stressful, physiologically-based symptoms that occur only after use of alcoholand drugs has stopped

C. Emotional Dysfunction – inability to cope with feelings such as grief, depression, stress, fear, etc., without mind altering substances.

D. Relational Dysfunction – inability to develop and maintain healthy relationships with others.

E. Temptation – inability to deal with the issue of sin in one’s life.

F. Dishonesty – the inability to maintain a commit ­ment to rigorous honesty which is the foundation of a life of recovery.

Some Relapse Prevention Strategies

A.  Scriptural Priority – Worship, prayer, Bible study, and Scripture memory all equip the person new to sobriety to overcome temptation and live a life that is pleasing to God.

B. Take Relapse Seriously – It must be clearly understood that use of alcohol or drugs results in immediate dismissal from the program. This could mean simply being asked to leave the facility, demotion to “transient” status or referral to another pro ­gram. After thirty days, the client can be reassessed for re ­entry to the program. The worst possible situation is to give the client the impression that everyone has at least one drunk “in the bank.” We can be assured that they will use it!

C. Addiction Education – Gaining more knowledge about ad ­diction serves two very important functions. It helps the ad ­dict in denial accept his condition. And, this knowledge can be a tremendous source of comfort and reassurance for those struggling with post acute withdrawal symptoms and the emotional difficulties that come with early recovery. Newly sober addicts need to understand that they are suffering from a malady that is shared by others. Education also gives hope that change is possible. Many resources are available:  lending libraries, literature, videos, and local professionals who can speak at the mission. Contact IUGM’s Education Office for information on educational resources for use in a mission setting.

D.   One-on-One Counseling – Every participant in a long-term program needs at least one hour a week with a staff member who understands addiction to help them through the struggles of early recovery. Relapse is a process no one is working a solid program of recovery one day and drunk the next. Therefore, one very important goal of these sessions is to help them to recognize their relapse patterns and learn to interrupt them before the process leads to actual use.

E. Support Groups – Good support groups provide recover ­ing addicts with a safe, non-judgmental setting to share their struggles, thoughts, and feelings without fear of rejection. Hearing the stories of others with similar difficulties and how they overcame them provides valuable encouragement for them to go on in a life of sobriety. Because addiction wreaks havoc upon an individual’s relationships with oth ­ers, support groups are also a great place to begin the diffi ­cult and painful process of re-connecting with other people.

F. Relationships – One especially important area where those in recovery need special help is in learn ­ing how to form healthy relationship and avoid de ­structive ones. Unhealthy relationships, especially of the romantic sort, are one of the biggest causes of re ­lapse. Teaching about godly relationships, even in the sexual area, helps them to avoid getting caught up with people that are not good for them. New re ­lationships with the opposite sex should be put off for the first year of sobriety.

July/August 1996

For most people, the holiday season – which includes Christmas and the New Year celebration – is a special time of joy and celebration.   We have a chance to give our thanks to God for all His goodness and a chance to rejoice in the birth of the Savior.   It is also a time to welcome in a new year with all the hope and promise it brings.

Yet, we must never forget that for people who are just beginning to walk the road of recovery from substance use disorder, this is an extremely difficult and stressful time.   For several reasons, this time of year means we are very vulnerable to a relapse.

Let me offer a few simple thoughts that might help them make it through this holiday season:

A.   Remember the spiritual significance of the holidays –  This time of year is a major commercial event for America’s retailers.   For some, more than half of our revenue is generated in the final ten weeks of the year.   As a result, we are bombarded with marketing messages that encourage us to spend beyond our budgets.   Despite the commercial pressure, we need to keep our focus on the spiritual significance of the holidays.   Our focus in November ought to be thankfulness – an attitude of gratitude.   And we must never forget that when it comes to Christmas, ”Jesus is the Reason for the Season”.   Above all else, we are celebrating God’s sending of His only Son to be our Savior and Redeemer. Keeping a spiritual focus puts all of our other expectations for the holiday season in proper perspective.

B. Don’t isolate –  For most Christians, the holidays are a time for family and other important relationships. For the newly recovering person, especially those in residential programs, the holidays can be the loneliest time of the year.

Newly recovering people face two special challenges during the holidays.   On one hand, the holidays serve as a painful reminder of all the relationships they’ve messed up.   To many recovering people spend Christmas haunted by memories of loved ones and friends that have been alienated because of destructive and manipulative behavior.   So, there is a real tendency to fall into self-pity and remorse.   In order to compensate for the loneliness, some will take an equally destructive path; falling in with the wrong people.   To keep our sobriety, people who are still using alcohol and drugs, must be avoided at all costs

So, what’s the solution?   This is the time take advantage of new, sober acquaintances God has brought into our lives.   Reaching out to those around us and using this holiday season s as a special opportunity to get to know them better is the best antidote for that special sense of loneliness that comes with the holidays.

C. Use the holidays as a special opportunity for making amends –  Instead of dwelling on failed relationships, the holidays provide a special opportunity to restore some broken relationships.   This is the time to make a list of those people and creatively consider ways to reconnect with them.   While it is not always possible to make amends to everyone that might come to mind, there will always be a few of them, especially family members, to whom amends can be made.   Some of those who have not heard from us for some time might actually consider your getting in touch with them to be a special gift this holiday season.   Talk to a counselor or sponsor about this and get some input before embarking on this important step in your recovery process.

D.   Give gifts from the heart –  It’s easy to feel a load of guilt and shame about not having resources to give presents and other tokens of love to those around you.   There are other types of “gifts” that can be just as meaningful: a simple card (even homemade), phone calls or visits, lending a helping hand with a special project.   There is a virtually unlimited number of ways to show people around you that you care that don’t require a lot of cash.   Be creative!

E Share your feelings –  The holidays can bring back a host of confusing feelings and memories.   Sometimes we’re tempted to dwell on “good times” that involved drinking and drug use.   For some, this time of year provokes painful childhood memories if we grew up in a troubled home.   Others experience loads of stress, disappointment, and loneliness during the holidays.   The worst thing to do is to keep all these feelings bottled up inside.   Find trusted sober friends and support groups where you can share what is going on within you.   This is a sure fire way to keep them in perspective and work through all these emotions in constructive and healthy ways.

F. Find healthy ways to celebrate the season –  For some of us, it’s hard to imagine a Christmas or New Year’s Eve without alcohol and drugs.   But, for newly sober people, this time of year can be a chance to rediscover how to have fun without mind-altering chemicals.   Take a few moments to find out what is happening in the church and what other Christian and sobriety-based events are happening in your community – and participate in them!

G. Have realistic expectations –  Most post-holiday disappointments are the result of expecting too much.   Keeping Christmas as primarily a spiritual celebration also keeps our expectation in reality, too.   We may find this holiday season is not the exciting and joyous experience others seem to make it out to be.   Maybe no one seemed to have reached out to us in any special way.   Maybe we did not handle all the stress of the holidays, as we would have liked to.   So what?   Making it through the holidays without using drugs or alcohol could actually be the most significant thing we managed to do this holiday season.   This, in itself, is a major accomplishment.

Doesn’t saying “relapse is normal part of the recovery process” give clients the ability to abdicate responsibility for behaviors that lead to using –practically giving them permission to relapse?

People who work in the addiction recovery field pour their lives into troubled people day after day.   Nothing is more discouraging than to see these efforts met with little or no long-term results.   When an individual who is a graduate of a long-term residential program falls back into drugs and alcohol, those who have been helping him or her often take it quite personally.   For these people, it is important to remember that a temporary or occasional “slip” does not mean that all their time and efforts were wasted.

I would almost say that the real test of how successful we are with graduates is not whether or not they use alcohol or drugs again. What happens when they do relapse really shows whether they have, indeed, started on the path to recovery. The main issue is to make sure that they don’t stay stuck in a downward cycle of destruction, but, instead, get back on the road to recovery.

So, how can we help newly recovering people to use failure as a “springboard” to successful recovery?   Here are a few points to keep in mind:

A. Don’t Condone or Project — Prepare! —Without condoning relapse, or even expecting them to fail, every program graduate needs to know that it is not uncommon for newly recovering addicts to relapse.   We need to let them know that we will not be shocked or disappointed by a failure to remain sober.   The doors of the mission are always open to them — whether that means returning to the program, seeing a counselor on an outpatient basis, or being referred to another program for help.   The last thing we want is for them to end up full of shame, think they have let us down and not reach out to us in their time of need.

B. Help Them “Own” Their Own Choices —Failure to stay sober is always a consequence of the individual’s own actions and choices.   He or she must be held accountable.   Returning to alcohol and drugs after a period of sobriety is evidence that there are still significant issues in the realm of denial that need to be addressed. He or she probably needs a lot of help to “connect the dots” in order to make sense of how these decisions and behaviors came together to cause the relapse.   That is the purpose of creating a detailed “relapse map.”

C. Keep Quitting — For most addicts, staying clean and sober is not a “once and for all” proposition.   Few people with long-term sobriety “got it” right the first time they made an initial resolve to forsake alcohol and drugs. I like to use Jerry McAuley, who founded America’s first rescue mission in 1872, as an example of this principle.   We know that Jerry backslid over seventy times before he finally found lasting sobriety. The key to his eventual success — and his tremendous legacy as a servant of God – he “kept quitting.”   The Lord always honors an attitude of humility coupled with godly perseverance.

D. Never Waste a Good Crisis! —This was some of the best advice I have ever received from a fellow counselor.   When are people most likely to change?   It’s in the midst of a crisis when they are bewildered, and full of self-doubt and pain.   It’s basic human nature to keep doing what seems to be working as long as it seems to be working.   So, give the person lots of time to sort through all the feelings associated with the failure.   Then, help him or her to use that pain as a motivation to renew a commitment to sobriety.   If viewed correctly, the crisis of relapse will create a healthy sense of self-doubt that leads the addict to admit in his “heart of hearts” that he is powerless over his “drug of choice.”   This acknowledgement is the where the road to successful recovery begins.